Unanswered Prayers

The song Unanswered Prayers has been my anthem for YEARS!

“Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs

That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care. Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”

I thought I knew what I wanted in my life and I had no idea that what God had planned for me would be so much better. When I became a mom to Skylar I was not ready. I didn’t want kids at this point in my life and I certainly didn’t want to be forced as a single mom but I had no choice. It took me a long time to understand why it happened to me and why I ended up being a mom to such a severely disabled child. I didn’t understand but I couldn’t imagine my life any different or any better than it has been with her in it. I am opinionated and stubborn but I work really hard. I finished my Bachelor’s Degree being a single mom and I ended up having to pay my own way because when Skylar was a baby she was in the hospital for 6-7 weeks and that was the first time I was told that she wasn’t going to make it. I would hear that a few times since then but despite me explaining my situation to my teachers they all failed me anyway so I had to beg to even stay in school but I finished. I work really hard and I have always tried to do the best that I can do in anything. I am competitive and I like to be good at what I am doing no matter what it is. I am opinionated and I have to fight not to freely give my opinion because I have learned that bridges get burned in your personal and professional life the more open you are. I am sensitive. Too sensitive at times. There are people that I am around every day that doesn’t like me and I have no idea why. I wish I could be one of those that doesn’t care but I never will be. I will never understand why no matter how hard you work you still get overlooked. Prior to Clint, I thought I knew what I wanted. I was determined that I would never have kids and I was content with it just being the two of us. I hadn’t found that love from another person that made me feel like a future was possible. I prayed that I would find a man that would love me and love Skylar and I will admit I got impatient. I honestly didn’t think that I would get married or ever find someone that would accept my situation and want to be part of it. God knew that at the right time I would meet a man who would be exactly what I needed. I met Clint when Skylar was first put into Palliative Care and then in hospice. My life changed. There was hope for a future and this guy wanted to be in my life. I talked to him numerous times to make sure that this is what he wanted. I think that if God had answered my prayers years ago I would still be unhappy and with people that didn’t value me and could care less about Skylar or completely alone and having to deal with Skylar and everything that we’ve gone through alone. I am thankful that my life has turned out the way that is has and I have never been happier. I am married to the most incredible man and Skylar will actually get to meet her brother and I never thought that we’d get see that day. I wanted nothing more than for her to know her sibling and them to know her and understand why children like her are so important in our lives. I think you learn so much from children like her and I wanted them to see it firsthand rather than by stories that I tell him. This past year has been a rollercoaster. I went from almost losing my child to having Skylar doing amazingly well. It’s amazing to see her come from having a few weeks left at the most to being discharged from Hospice. There’s not that cloud hanging over our head that the potential of death isn’t around the corner. However, we still face challenges and only God knows how much time that Skylar has with us because I am thankful that she’s where is she right now. She is loving life and we are still enjoying every day. My perspective on how I want to live my life and help her live hers has changed. I want to give her everything I can and continue to give her the best life that I possibly can. In 9 years I have heard that she wasn’t going to make it 3-4 times and for the first time last year they put a time clock on it. I know what hospice is and I know that one day she could not be with me anymore but there is nothing more shocking then having a doctor tell you how much time you can expect with your loved one. That’s more than heartbreaking. It took my breath away to think that in a month the person that I have loved more than life might not be here. Thankfully God had other plans for her. Even the doctors were amazed and how well she was doing because she came out of surgery and he again prepared me for the worst because he said that the surgery didn’t do much at all. It wasn’t going to help her. She’s truly a fighter and it’s certainly not the first time that something has happened with her that nobody could explain. My life has never been so content. My personal life almost seems too amazing. I feel like I got my fairytale. In two years or less I will have completed my Graduate Degree and who knows what God will have planned for me then but I can’t wait to see it.